Tomorrow my former brother-in-law is finally scattering my sister’s ashes off the coast of Pacifica, where we grew up – after 6 years. I won’t be attending.
It was mid-January, when we drove down to pick up all of my sister’s stuff – he has met someone and felt it was time to get his life back. I don’t fault him on that, after all, it had almost been 6 years. He mentioned he was ready to scatter her ashes on her 6 yr death date and I agreed it was time. I said I would like to be there. That was it. He doesn’t communicate well. For months he didn’t let me know any of the plans. He has been known to be a bit of a flake. Then last week, he texted me and told me the slip number of the boat, at which harbor, and the time. I texted him back immediately and told him I was not going to be there, due to some long-awaited doctor’s appointments that I do not want to delay any longer. I am waiting to be scheduled for cataract surgery any day now. Plus I figure, that I already said my goodbyes to her, 6 years ago at a memorial service. It’s not ideal but it is what it is. I can’t risk putting this off any longer, due to the possibility of covid shutting elective surgeries down like last year.
The message was “delivered” but it also states he hasn’t read the text yet. Normally I would physically phone the person back to just touch base. I asked my husband and my sons and they said that I texted him and that was that. It’s his reasonability to read it. I guess that is more of a “guy thing.” It just seems rude to me that I haven’t talked to him in person. Then again, he hasn’t called me. I am not savvy about text message etiquette.
What am I afraid of?
That perhaps this will hurt him – I would never intentionally hurt someone.
That it will make him mad and confrontational – I don’t want to have to defend my reasons for not attending.
That he will think I do not care for my sister – My sister is gone. We were not particularly close during our later adult years. I miss my baby sister. The grown-up sister, not so much.
Bottom-line, I can’t help the way he chooses to take all of this. I know my reasons. I will give him a call today, and if he is not there I will leave a voice message. Then I will be done with it.