I wish I could say, the temperatures are dropping. I wish I could say the leaves are turning…more like burning. I wish I could say, rain is in the forecast – it’s not. But in my own little world, I will try and pretend that Fall is on its way (because it is) and I will start to ready my home for it, as if we will be having a wet winter. Hey, you never know.
Today I went in for an MRI on my right shoulder. I’m also waiting to hear back from the Ophthalmologist to schedule my cataract surgery. It could be this month, I don’t know but I need to get in there and do it before the county or the state, closes up all unnecessary surgeries like they did last year. That is why I am playing catch up this year. It is so frustrating.
I received a text message from my brother-in-law finally about the scattering of my sister’s ashes. He gave me the information on the boat slip. He is having her ashes scattered in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Pacifica where we grew up on the 8th. I am not attending. She died 6 years ago. I already attended a memorial – it was hard for me. I am not a glutton for funerals or memorials. Plus (and this is petty of me, I know) she gave no excuses as to why she did not come to my son’s memorial when he died in 2003. That really hurt me and my sons.
No, the real reason is that I am at peace with her gone now and the fact that I might be having my surgery and I am not rescheduling. If it was the first one and she had just died, of course, I would be there. He is the one, that is moving on, and rightly so. He has a new love interest and this is his final act. He just has always been the type that needs someone to hold his hand and that was what my sister did. Sorry, but having been the strong one all my life, I can no longer hold anyone’s else hand. This is part of his commitment to my sister.
I realize it sounds quite harsh of me – I don’t see it that way. I see it as BOUNDARIES.
I’ve mentioned I have issues with my sister and my mom. I need once and for all to seek out counseling but its hard to get into, due to covid19 restrictions. There are waiting lists, due to stress from all the fires and of course covid.
Sometimes just writing it all out helps.
Sept 25 is my youngest son’s birthday. He will be 37. That’s something to be very happy about. He has a new home and a new wife. I will concentrate on all that God has given me