Making a mountain out of a mole hill

Eastern Sierra Mountains near Lone Pine

I don\’t like loose ends – drives me nuts. One loose end that is bothering me is that I haven\’t talked to my brother-in-law about the scattering of my sister\’s ashes since about 2mos. I\’ve texted him and left a message and he reads it but no answer. That gives me an uneasy feeling. My husband said, that if he said he was going to get the boat, then that is that. I just wanted more details. I think it is fair for me to call him a month out to finalize the details. My husband and my sons have to put in for the days off. 

Truth be told, (and I am not proud of myself and feel a bit of shame) I don\’t want to attend. It has nothing to do with my sister – I feel she\’s gone and why stir up my emotions AGAIN? (sounds selfish)  It\’s been a rough few months since my sister\’s daughter, Nina passed away and I\’m still dealing with that in my own way. 

I don\’t want to let Doug down – and I don\’t want my sons to think badly of me. So I\’ll do it. But I\’m so done with all the death of my family. It will be 6 years since my sister passed. I miss her. Sometimes I still cry for her. It\’s hard to lose a sibling. How will it not mess with my emotions? 

Another thing is that I wish Doug was more proactive in this – you know, has he made reservations? I remember my sister telling me that Doug couldn\’t do things on his own without her. I\’m thinking now, what would be the worse thing to happen? We all get there and he didn\’t reserve a boat? 

Okay here\’s what could be misconstrued as a cop-out on my part. I\’m supposed to have cataract surgery. I still have no date as they seem to be backed up. It could very well be I will have just had one eye done and being on a boat, in the salty sea air, and running the risk of having ashes blown back into my face and eyes could be an issue. I really need to get my eyes fixed so I can see clearly again. I would probably have to cancel either my surgery or tell Doug I am not going. 

You see what I am doing here? I\’m overthinking it all, aren\’t I? 

I\’m making a mountain out of a molehill. 

9 thoughts on “Making a mountain out of a mole hill

  1. Anonymous July 19, 2021 / 11:04 pm

    It's a lot to think about so I get it. And it doesn't help that you are getting no answers from him. I would want to do it and then carry on.

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  2. Anonymous July 20, 2021 / 7:23 am

    Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? We just make ourselves sick over things we should do but don't want to do. If you are not feeling it, don't go. Your sister is in heaven she will not hate you if you're not there. Really. If you do decide to go after cataract surgery you have to be meticulous about your eyes. You need to make sure your eye drops are taken, your eyes are clean, they do not get irritated etc. That being said, don't go out of guilt, go because you want to go. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

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  3. Anonymous July 20, 2021 / 1:04 pm

    Maybe a mountain, maybe not. Get your surgery done. I was given a pair of sunglasses that protected my eye after surgery. And most folks I know schedule both eyes when the get them done, just to get on the schedule. Think it was done one month apart.

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  4. Anonymous July 20, 2021 / 1:27 pm

    Bless your heart. That must be so heartrending to lose a sibling. Steve (my husband) may be losing one of his soon. His sister, Cindy (age 55), has a severe case of ovarian cancer and she can't find a surgeon to perform it! Golly. All our heath care is in the sink now. Sad. Anyway, you are absolutely correct in the not bringing it all up again. It's too painful. Maybe the brother-in-law feels the same way? Maybe he's still grieving? Or he feels lost without her? Or something else not known yet. Like you said, sister is not on this earth anymore. I pray it can all be resolved and everyone will feel at peace about it.Big virtual Christian ((Hugs)) on your loss and prayers. xx

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  5. Anonymous July 20, 2021 / 3:34 pm

    Just so you know, you are not alone with the loose ends thing. I can't stand procrastination! I also understand your feelings of not wanting to attend. I lost my baby sister 1 1/2 years ago and I am thankful there wasn't a funeral or memorial service. I know that sounds odd to most but that is just the way I am. Best wishes for your upcoming cataract surgery. Grace & Peace,Pam

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  6. Anonymous July 20, 2021 / 8:12 pm

    While you may consider yourself as overthinking this situation, it doesn't appear that way to me. As you dsaid, your beloved sister has been gone for a number of years and if you do not feel you need to be there, then you should go with what your heart tells you.

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  7. Anonymous July 20, 2021 / 9:27 pm

    Awww, Debby. That is a hard situation all the way around. Our good friend, that was like family to us, passed away 6 years ago. His widow (also our friend) took his ashes and never had any kind of memorial for him or anything…and she has plenty of money to do that. She said she didn't want people to come just for a free meal! Really?!!! I hope you find a peaceful resolution to your situation. Prayers for you- Diana

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  8. Anonymous July 20, 2021 / 11:19 pm

    It is easy to make mountains out of mole hills we all do it

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  9. Anonymous July 22, 2021 / 8:59 pm

    I know what you mean about the scattering of ashes of our loved ones. We're still in the process of taking care of my Mom's. I hope your cataract surgery goes well. It seems that one day I just started to get the floaters in my eyes from time to time. They say it may be allergy related. ~Sheri

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