I don\’t like loose ends – drives me nuts. One loose end that is bothering me is that I haven\’t talked to my brother-in-law about the scattering of my sister\’s ashes since about 2mos. I\’ve texted him and left a message and he reads it but no answer. That gives me an uneasy feeling. My husband said, that if he said he was going to get the boat, then that is that. I just wanted more details. I think it is fair for me to call him a month out to finalize the details. My husband and my sons have to put in for the days off.
Truth be told, (and I am not proud of myself and feel a bit of shame) I don\’t want to attend. It has nothing to do with my sister – I feel she\’s gone and why stir up my emotions AGAIN? (sounds selfish) It\’s been a rough few months since my sister\’s daughter, Nina passed away and I\’m still dealing with that in my own way.
I don\’t want to let Doug down – and I don\’t want my sons to think badly of me. So I\’ll do it. But I\’m so done with all the death of my family. It will be 6 years since my sister passed. I miss her. Sometimes I still cry for her. It\’s hard to lose a sibling. How will it not mess with my emotions?
Another thing is that I wish Doug was more proactive in this – you know, has he made reservations? I remember my sister telling me that Doug couldn\’t do things on his own without her. I\’m thinking now, what would be the worse thing to happen? We all get there and he didn\’t reserve a boat?
Okay here\’s what could be misconstrued as a cop-out on my part. I\’m supposed to have cataract surgery. I still have no date as they seem to be backed up. It could very well be I will have just had one eye done and being on a boat, in the salty sea air, and running the risk of having ashes blown back into my face and eyes could be an issue. I really need to get my eyes fixed so I can see clearly again. I would probably have to cancel either my surgery or tell Doug I am not going.
You see what I am doing here? I\’m overthinking it all, aren\’t I?
I\’m making a mountain out of a molehill.