Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

The last I saw my former BIL, Doug was when we drove down to pick up Nina and my sister\’s things. We tentatively planned to scatter my sister\’s ashes in Pacifica on the 6 year anniversary in Sept. My sister passed in 2015 and he now has a girlfriend and is moving on. 

I know Doug – he\’s like most men (sorry men) they say stuff without actually checking it out. We all planned as a family, to go down for it – Navy and his wife and Foodie. Char never knew my sister so she will stay behind and pet-sit for us. I asked Doug back then, what he purposed to do and he said, 

\”We\’ll meet up at the beach and scatter her ashes in the ocean.\” 

That bothered me. You need permits. Plus the ashes have to be 2 nautical miles from shore. I do not want to get in trouble and I want to do it the right way. I also do not want the responsibility of it because he was her husband. It\’s his responsibility. Heck, I still have my sons\’ ashes – (more on that later) 

So I texted him and told him and he replied,

\”fine – then I\’ll get a boat\”

Once again, I hope he actually charters a boat – I don\’t want any surprises. And I don\’t want this done half-ass; then again (and I know this sounds terrible) but I do not want her ashes if he messes up. 

I can\’t. 

The husband thinks I am overthinking it all.  Perhaps I am. No, I know I am. I do have control issues on some things. 

Yeah, I will let him handle it and stay out of it unless he asks for my help. 

Life just happens and I can\’t try and control every facet of it. Normally I wouldn\’t, but something like this is final. Plus the kids are all taking time off work and we\’re going to rent an Airbnb apartment together. It\’s strange to me, that my kids actually think my old hometown is cool. To me, it brings up very bad memories and this will probably be the last time I go down to see it. 

I dread this. 

5 thoughts on “Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

  1. Anonymous May 23, 2021 / 2:46 am

    I don't think your wanting to disperse your sister's ashes as the law requires controlling. It really is disrespectful to your sister for it not to be done properly. But I understand how you will go along with your former brother in law. Sometimes you have to suck it up. And it Sucks. I am the current custodian to two sets of ashes. At the moment, I am thinking of buying spaces at a Columbarium. I had thought of scattering them on my property. No matter where I put the ashes, one day they could be paved over or a house built on them. It is really I don't want to say goodbye.


  2. Anonymous May 23, 2021 / 12:20 pm

    So sorry for your loss. I hope the BIL does this properly and quickly so the discomfort will be minimal. I totally get that not wanting to go \”home\” again. My hometown has sad memories too and I never want to go back there. I'm home now in our little country paradise until Christ calls me to my permanent Home.We humans sure can make a mess of things.Praying for ya. Maybe this will end up being a happy memory, somehow. I hope so.Blessings. xx


  3. Anonymous May 23, 2021 / 6:37 pm

    OH I know that. I've had Michael's ashes since 2003. I start the process and then I stop. I know I have to do something soon. It will be hard.


  4. Anonymous May 23, 2021 / 6:38 pm

    I get that. I'm home now too. Love it up here and I am away from all the crazies. and Yes, until Christ returns!


  5. Anonymous May 24, 2021 / 12:56 am

    Scattering a love ones ashes needs to be done lawfully, that said my BIL's ashes where scattered not lawfully


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