We’re good

So yesterday after I posted, I decided instead of allowing my attitude to fester, I\’d better confront him and told him how it made me feel that he kept that from me. To me, it seemed sneaky. He assured me he just wasn\’t thinking – and wasn\’t trying to be sneaky and that yeah, at times he thinks he retired in a rush. He\’s got all this time and not enough money as he thought he would have.   Last year, during the height of Covid19, we didn\’t go anywhere, do anything. This year is our first year REALLY, living in retirement with our finances and while we are NOT hurting or destitute – it is an eye-opener. We have to watch it. 

He apologized for not at least telling me so I could make adjustments to this month\’s budget and savings. I told him to keep his money. 

So we\’re looking at cancelling our Gym membership – perhaps our pet insurance – that keeps going up as both Susie and Laydee get older. We have some fluff we can play around with and get rid of.  We can do without a few dinners and lunches out. 

I was going to do this anyway – but now I will get on the ball and get the house refinanced. I don\’t know if we can now that we\’re retired. I wanted to do that before he retired but it all happened so fast. 

He jumped the gun on me with wanting to retire earlier. It cost us, a lot of monthly income I had planned for our retirement.  Last year, we went through the retirement togetherness test and we passed and learned how to give each other our space. Looks like 2021 is the year we learn how to overcome the rising costs of gas, food and keep our budget under control so we can still enjoy ourselves. 

So we\’re good. You have to talk these things out and I was mostly mad that he kept it from me  (it brought up a lot of crap from my first husband) and didn\’t let me know he was going to keep out his pension for his own or else we wouldn\’t have gone out to dinner as much earlier this month as we did. 

15 thoughts on “We’re good

  1. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 3:01 pm

    I'm glad you worked things out. It was nice of you to let him keep his money. I don't know if I would have been so generous. Maybe there is a bill or two he can pay with it?

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  2. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 3:10 pm

    I'm glad you and hubby talked things out… Retirement is a huge change. All the years we spend working and spending knowing there will be a next paycheck and then, it all changes. I completely understand his move bringing up bad memories for you. It's been many years that I was with someone who used to hit me till I finally woke up and left him but every now and then, not often anymore, if my husband raises his voice it will come right back… Some things just never go away.. We just learn to live with them…

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  3. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 4:53 pm

    He will eventually. He will feel guilty.

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  4. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 4:55 pm

    I have to say, the husband is a good guy and we've not had any issue we couldn't talk about and get straightened out. to both our satisfaction. He's a speeder and I am a saver and most of the time it works. WE just need to get over the humps, when at first it doesn't.

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  5. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 7:06 pm

    Why do women always think men have an ulterior motive for stuff we do or don't do? When will they learn that we often just do stuff without any real thought.Glad to hear you worked things out.

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  6. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 7:52 pm

    Women have been hurt by men – not that men haven't been hurt by women and that's another subject. He is a good man but sometimes makes dumb mistakes, and poor decisions (like early retirement) I've never had any reason to mistrust him. I projected feelings that happened in my first marriage and that brought me back to a horrible time in my life.

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  7. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 8:58 pm

    I'm glad you could talk about it. At one point, X took most of our money and put it in an account that I didn't have access to. It pissed me off, but he paid bills. I worked part-time and he told me I had to pay for my lunches and my clothes. It was all part of the lead-up to our divorce, which he planned for years without discussing it with me. He loved having secrets.Love,Janie

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  8. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 9:14 pm

    That is good news! Glad to hear it.Steve, my husband of 42+ years, retired in August 2007 from BellSouth (AT&T) due to poor health. Thank the Lord, we were able to pay off everything beforehand, including the mortgage. That helped a lot. I hate debt. I'm terrified of being poor again. It's a good motive to keep me from buying things I don't really need. *grin* We also very seldom eat out. 99.9% of the time it's a home cooked keto meal. Not only have we lost a lot of weight, but the food expenses are way, way down. Plus, both of our health's improved which meant less or no medicine. I no longer have blood sugar or heart trouble and neither does he. A double blessing! God is good.Hope your day was blessed. xx

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  9. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 9:34 pm

    This is good to read.

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  10. Anonymous April 20, 2021 / 11:53 pm

    Glad you talked it out. We are looking at retirement in a few years – hubby is 63, I'm 60, but we have been seeing a financial counselor in the hopes that there won't be too many money surprises…

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  11. Anonymous April 21, 2021 / 4:47 am

    Glad you and your hubby worked things out. Yeah, cancel that gym membership. We have an awesome walking park by us and walk for an hour 4 or 5 times a week. We love doing that. You'll figure out ways to save money and still enjoy a nice retirement.

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  12. Anonymous April 22, 2021 / 10:47 pm

    Hmmm he sounds like my ex. Mine had a secret life going on. Everything was a secret. Unfortunately I am a good investigator and found out all his secrets.

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  13. Anonymous April 22, 2021 / 10:50 pm

    That is awesome to hear. I've had a few lean times in my life and I too, hate debt. It scares me. I'd rather do without as well, then to get something I have to pay forever for. That is why we are saving the cash for a new for us car that we will need in the future.

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  14. Anonymous April 22, 2021 / 10:54 pm

    I had thought we had about 3-4 more years of his work before he retired. Then he retired early which cut his pension substantially. We did the numbers and knew going into it, that we could do it, but we had to be careful. We don't have debt other than the house which is almost paid off. But I had hoped that we would have replaced our old vehicle and we never got around to it. We did do major repairs around the house, new roof, HVAC etc – things that would have been hard on a fixed income. It could have been worse but it also could have been better.

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  15. Anonymous April 22, 2021 / 10:56 pm

    Yeah we'll figure it all out.

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