Yeah, he is missed

I prefer to think of him this way
I am really missing my father-in-law\’s earthly presence. Yes, even those video chats where he always asked us the same thing – I miss him terribly. My husband is taking the whole thing so much better than I do – he says he is at peace with his dad. He held his hand when his father passed. I\’ve never sat at the deathbed of someone and watch them die, and let me tell you, it\’s something you don\’t ever forget.  I have an inquiring mind anyway – I try to understand what is happening – the spiritual, emotional, and the biology of the death process. It was profound. It made me think of my death one day – something I really don\’t want to think about now. I thought about if my husband dies before me. It will happen, whether I like it or not. 
 Fortunately, when it came to planning, Pops was all set up. That was before covid. We are still waiting for him to be cremated (due to covid19) new regulations are in order. We don\’t know exactly what that means – seems no one will tell us or even knows themselves. The funeral home was packed with family members. We have to wait for the cremation, the death certificates, and even the official obituary now has to go through stages – it\’s not automatic. Tomorrow his obit will finally reach the local newspaper.  The Veterans Cemetary also has its new rules. 12 people can attend an outdoor service. We\’ve decided we\’ll wait till January. The weather has been perfect for an outdoor service – 
Did you know that hearing is the last sense, a dying person has? Even though he was \”sleeping\” 90% of the time, we talked to him and we all sat around and talked with each other and we played music. He\’d open his eyes and he would nod his head yes or no when asked questions, but on that last day, he no longer responded. 
After he died, the Veteran Home has a ritual they do. They lay the American flag on his body with the star side over his heart. That really touched me. Then the Chaplain came and they placed a table outside his room, with his photo and the flag. That really choked me up. When the funeral home came to take him, the Chaplain followed him to the van and then saluted and stayed that way till the van disappeared from sight. They take the bodies outside doors, in the home, as to not upset the residents, but many already knew. His old friend, Harry who used to play poker with Pops, sat and starred. He always accused Pops of cheating at cards – he was right. He did cheat at times. But they were \”brothers\” in a sense. They understood each other. 

From My House – For the homemaking side of me

4 thoughts on “Yeah, he is missed

  1. Anonymous December 23, 2020 / 12:45 am

    That's a lovely remembrance, Debbie. Love,Janie

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  2. Anonymous December 23, 2020 / 2:16 am

    I sat by my father when he died as well. You are right it is something you never forget. God bless.

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  3. Anonymous December 23, 2020 / 11:03 pm

    Never sat with a dying person but common sense tells me it would be hard the first deceased person I saw was my MIL but we were not close. The second one was my Dad and made me cry a bloody lot. and the pain remains

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  4. Anonymous December 24, 2020 / 3:16 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. Letting go is so hard, but it can be quite peaceful. I was on my way to be there with my Dad when he died and didn't make it. I will always feel guilty about that, as I had promised him I would be there. He was not alone, my step-sister was with him and she told me how peacefully he slipped away in the middle of telling her to take care of Mama. Being his only child and the fact that I told him I would be there, I will always feel guilty about it. Time does heal, but the loss is always there.

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