The situation with Pops is more serious than we first believed. One of the head nurses from the night shift and who knows my husband called last night. He said the stroke was more serious than we were told – that he most likely will not recover. He kept telling my husband, he is not the same dad as you knew. Sad. And even more so, I believe my husband is fighting it and in denial. He bucks up, to anyone who says his dad is dying. He keeps wanting to believe his dad will recover, meanwhile, because he is being stubborn, his dad has not been included in the Palliative/Comfort Care program – which would mean, he could see him in person and be able to spend time with him. I admit, the Head Doctor at the Veterans Home had the bedside manner of Dr. Kevorkian. She started listing quite a few medications that she was planning to take him off of, even his vitamins. What? This is after being told it was a mild stroke. We are not getting the facts we need to make a good decision. I just pray my husband will be able to see and hear and understand. He does not trust anyone. Then he says he wants to get an attorney and that we should open up a go-fund-me account for attorney fees. I tried to explain to him in a gentle way, that his dad is 94 1/2 years old. Attorney fees could be expensive and that I don\’t like go-fund-me accounts. He got mad at me because I said I wouldn\’t promote it.
It is normal to have stroke fatigue for months after a stroke. He wants to sleep all the time. Why shouldn\’t he sleep if that helps his brain to heal? My husband wants him to do his therapy. They have to use a lift, to get him out of the bed, to sit in his wheelchair. He is on pureed foods. I\’m just surprised that my husband is acting this way. I realize everyone handles death and dying differently. His one brother and 3 sisters wish not to be bothered by anything having to do with their father. (dysfunctional family) He is in this alone – he has me only if I 100% agree with him which I do not. I\’m trying to be sensitive but realistic. He hates that word, realistic. He e needs to be reasonable.
In a way, I am glad I never had to be in this position. However, if it were my precious Dad, I would get in there and hold his hand and be with him so he could let go if that is what he wants.
We talked to his dad on the speakerphone and it was sad. His dad just makes noises. My husband would ask him questions, which was totally ridiculous because it was only frustrating his dad even more. When his dad would answer a NO to a question, my husband would interrupt it as a YES. He is only hearing what he wants to hear. Some time today, we\’re going to have our first video chat – then we can at least see him.
This morning he has called the Ombudsman for the Veterans Home. We need to get it all spelled out and doing it over the phone is very hard. If my husband would not jump to conclusions, and listen to them we could come to an agreement.
From My House – For the homemaking side of me