Updates

The Veterans Home called us and we talked with the head Doctor. (I\’ll call her Dr. Death) We misunderstood what Comfort Care really was. She went through a list of all medications she would be taking him off of – as well as \”no heroics\” She kept saying that and it didn\’t feel right. The man had a mild stroke. He was fine until the stroke. Even the social worker at the hospital felt his life was worth something to want to send a report to adult protective services on the Veterans Home. She at least understood because she herself has a 95+ yr old father. The hospital doctor never told us, to go ahead and pull the plug on him. 
We\’ve not been unreasonable when it comes to the end of his life. However, we do not believe in putting him out of his misery, just because he is 94 and just had a mild stroke. He has every right to want to live as the others there who are in their 100\’s. Now if he tells us, he is tired and he wants to just live what life he has with no intervention, then we will abide by his decision. But this Dr. Death had no bedside manner whatsoever – she refused to talk with us because we disagreed with her and told us to call the social worker. 
So, visiting him is out of the question, without Comfort Care. It\’s a classic catch 22.
I\’ve always had an issue with the DNR order. My dad was 74 years old when he had a heart attack – he was talked into a DNR order by my mom. Excuse me, 74 years old? He had a bad heart – was inquiring about any other bypass surgery but my mom always thought about the money. How much would this cost? The night my dad had his heart attack, he was in pain and my mom sat there and watched him. He got up and fell and it was then my mom called the ambulance. He had already died. 
She made a fatal decision for my dad. He was a strong man – not at all an invalid. He could have lived another 10 years. She knew how I felt about it and wrestled with it the whole year after my dad\’s passing which then resulted in her suicide. 
So yeah, I have mixed emotions about that. 
. . . . . . . . 
The Child Protective Services ombudsman returned my phone call. She gave me the names and numbers of the three,  who would oversee this. I start with the caseworker assigned. If I don\’t hear back from her after 2 days, then I call her Supervisor and if after 2 days I don\’t hear back from the supervisor, I call the Case Manager. 
I\’m getting there…

From My House – For the homemaking side of me

8 thoughts on “Updates

  1. Anonymous December 9, 2020 / 4:17 pm

    This is terrible! I am so sorry you are going through this. Relationships are hard enough without the added stress when agencies get involved. Your mom must have wrestled with the results of her decisions about your dad. What torment!

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  2. Anonymous December 9, 2020 / 8:14 pm

    I am so sorry you are going through this. My mom had a DNR and I was very grateful she did. The last few years were extremely hard and I did not have to feel guilty about letting her go. She had dementia and severe seizures.There was just nothing we could do. But he is your dad and you have every right to fight for him.

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  3. Anonymous December 9, 2020 / 9:57 pm

    Oh so terrible for you I am not a big fan of DNR's as my msum says God gave man the ability to prevent an early deeath why not trust them unless you are going t o be a vegatbile which is different

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  4. Anonymous December 10, 2020 / 7:25 am

    I think you can override any decisions Dr. Death makes because you are the next of kin, correct?Love,Janie

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  5. Anonymous December 10, 2020 / 7:24 pm

    That's what I thought but the way she was listing all the medications she would be withholding from him. it was like she called the shots and if we didn't agree she would not approve the Comfort Care program. We are looking more into it. This is all news to us.

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  6. Anonymous December 10, 2020 / 7:39 pm

    IN some cases, a DNR can be good. You have to be informed and really think about it.

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  7. Anonymous December 12, 2020 / 6:31 am

    We just went through the Comfort Care with my mom. When it was first recommended by the assisted living facility where she lived, I had no idea it’s just another name for Hospice. I found it was all or nothing. The organization providing Comfort Care called all the shots or didn’t provide any help at all. It sounds like options for your dad other than Comfort Care are worth exploring.~Janis in Oregon

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  8. Anonymous December 12, 2020 / 6:33 am

    We just went through the Comfort Care with my mom. When it was first recommended by the assisted living facility where she lived, I had no idea it’s just another name for Hospice. I found it was all or nothing. The organization providing Comfort Care called all the shots or didn’t provide any help at all. It sounds like options for your dad other than Comfort Care are worth exploring.~Janis in Oregon

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