Taking a emotional dive today

It started yesterday – I felt like I was in a dark cave. I didn\’t feel like talking. My husband asked me if he did anything that I was mad at – poor guy. 

\”No, I\’m just feeling blah and want to be quiet.\”


16 months old. I hated wearing itchy dresses




Last night I had dreams of people who have left this earth – which then had me wake up this morning feeling awfully sad. I woke up with tears. I miss my mommy and daddy, my sister, and of course my son. In a way I am glad they aren\’t here to live through all of this. I\’d be worried about them. It\’s funny, because when I get really sad, I don\’t miss my \”parents\” I tend to miss \”my mommy and daddy\” – they way they were when I was a child – they protected me. It\’s like I emotionally revert back to being a little girl. The other day, I found my dad\’s sunglasses he had lost in the yard – I\’m sure that was a trigger. 
I\’m emotional too. With the funeral of Rep. Lewis, the death of Hermann Cain and we had another death here in Shasta County, from Covid reported last night. The person was 80. Doesn\’t matter. That person was important to someone and that person is now grieving. 
I went to the store early for toilet paper. We were down to 2 rolls. Dang, if the section for TP has been reduced in size. I don\’t get that. So that made me sad. 
Yesterday on Facebook, my favorite Mexican restaurant posted that he needs to open with outside dining or he\’s going to lose his business. He\’s been here since 1999. He\’s waiting to be approved. We ordered take out the other night and noticed he had some tables and chairs out. It will help but when the temps are over 100 and will be until Sept/Oct he still has a rough road ahead. I am concerned about him and others like him. 
There are many fires up here in the northern part of my state. 
Modoc county which was the last holdout – not having any cases of Covid, just reported 2. I was rooting for them too. 
Bethel Redding just sent out a memo, encouraging the hundreds who attended that worship service, to get tested. Already 9 have tested positive from that service. That doesn\’t make me sad, he makes me boiling mad. 
I miss my kids. I miss my father-in-law. I just miss my old way of life. The last fun I had, was on Feb 29 at my son\’s wedding. 
I was doing so well. I kept busy and happy, by putzing in my garden. 
Oh I will get through it – need to find something new to be busy with. I need more things to do with my hands. 

6 thoughts on “Taking a emotional dive today

  1. Anonymous July 31, 2020 / 2:08 pm

    This is such a hard time for everyone. My son was here for a few days just left this morning. Every time he leaves or we leave him I cry and am depressed all day. Pretty easy to plunge into depression right now anyway! I hope you feel better soon.

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  2. Anonymous July 31, 2020 / 4:07 pm

    Too much time to think is a problem for all of us. I had a dream where everyone I know had died and it was just me. The big worry in my family is my longevity in that I take care of everyone. I guess I dreamt their desire. I hope I can take care of everyone a looonnnggg time. But it took me a couple of days to get over it.The good news is the feral kitten, who took up with me and has since presented her four babies, was located this morning. I've gotten her spayed and plan to get her children spayed and neutered. I'm bringing her two daughters into the house this weekend. I'm hoping to get them spayed about the end of August. I got a colony in the overgrown pasture at the front of my home. Slowly, I would like to get the colony fixed. But Mr. Coyote will probably take care of the problem first.

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  3. Anonymous July 31, 2020 / 7:49 pm

    Love the wedding picture! My advice, have a good cry and if you drink, a glass of wine. There is so much going on. I get so angry about it all but then I take a deep breath and remember this is not all there is. Thank God literally for eternity. There are so many days lately that I wish Jesus would come backBetty

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  4. Anonymous August 1, 2020 / 12:38 am

    Awww, yeah I get that. At least my sons live within a couple of miles from me. We don't visit in person so much due to the virus.

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  5. Anonymous August 1, 2020 / 12:39 am

    I love the good news. Uh oh, hopefully Mr Coyote will move on.

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  6. Anonymous August 1, 2020 / 12:41 am

    That's the thing – I rarely cry. I spent so many years grieving when my son died that I have become stoic. I get emotionally I just don't cry. Strange,

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