Mothers Day

In Yosemite 

I don\’t think of myself on Mother\’s Day. It\’s my Mom, I always think about.  I wish I could say I had a loving mother – she was until I moved out of the house. Then she became a woman, I hardly recognized.

When I was a teenager, she did show a few displays of verbal and physical abuse toward me but I figured I probably deserved it. It wasn\’t until I got into therapy, I realized that it was abuse and not discipline. To this day, I have blown out discs, due to a heavy beating. I live with that reminder daily the older I get. Thanks, Mom.

1955

She was a loving Mommy when I was a little girl. That is what is most important and how I choose to remember her. I am grateful for all the things she taught me – unheard of now. Like how to set a proper table, and keeping a house – cooking and bill paying. She taught me how to be a \”lady.\” She loved fashion and taught me how to take care of myself – my hair and nails. She actually was trying to turn me into a \”girly girl\” and back then, that\’s what I guess I wanted but once I moved out, I started to find myself. I can be as much of a \”girly-girl\” as I want but I\’m more inclined to the outdoors. The joke was that  I was the \”son\” my dad always wanted.  (Dad did have a son from an old HS sweetheart when he was in High School at which my sister and I didn\’t know yet) My younger sister was the girly girl through and through. I used to frustrate her by not wanting to be a cheerleader. She had been one, in high school. So my sister did that. She always wanted me to try out for Miss Pacifica. No WAY! Even my sister drew the line on that. Some mothers like to live vicariously through their daughters. That was my Mom to a T. I bucked her in every way.

1956 

Because she had 2 daughters, as we got older, the tables changed. She started getting jealous of us. She didn\’t like to see us, get along so she would lie and tell tales about us to each other. She drove a huge wedge between my sister and me. Mom died in 2008. My sister died at age 56 in 2015 and we only had 7 years, to try and rebuild what mom had done to us.

1961

The truth is, I adored my Mom up to a certain age – then I became fearful of her, and then I just didn\’t like her. She became a tough person to love. I no longer trusted anything she said.

Sad to say, I don\’t miss her. Sure I grieved and went through a mind game, trying to figure out why and how anyone could shoot themselves in the head. Now I chalk up to mental illness. She wasn\’t getting her way – I kept finding handwritten nasty cruel, notes through the house, to my sister and me. She wanted to mess with our minds – even after her death. I wouldn\’t allow it. My sister, however, started back into the heavy drinking and blamed herself. She died of cirrhosis of the liver. Donna, would call me every year on Mom\’s death anniversary and cry and I could tell she was drunk.  I urged my sister to seek counseling but in that way, she was her mother\’s daughter. Only crazy people go to shrinks and get counseling.

I live in the house that both my mom and dad passed away in. That doesn\’t bother me. We\’ve changed the home a lot. I find comfort, in reaching for a knife in the drawer that mom would cut a piece of cornbread with – or that one soup bowl that she would give me Campbells vegetable soup in when I was sick. I still use serving bowls she used when I was a kid and every once in a while, I get out her Corningware coffeepot.

I must have loved her –

8 thoughts on “Mothers Day

  1. Anonymous May 11, 2020 / 12:00 am

    Very sad, please continue to move on and not let that disease effect you any more.

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  2. Anonymous May 11, 2020 / 12:48 am

    Debby-If you haven't popped by my blog try to, if you have the chance. Sadly– You and I have a lot in common. Hugs and love to you- Diana

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  3. Anonymous May 11, 2020 / 5:04 am

    She was beautiful. I'm sorry she ended up the way she ended up. I have to agree it was mental health issues. You have to wonder too how she was raised and if she had to fight \”demons\” to make sure she didn't raise her children like she was raised and then maybe it got to be too much of a struggle to continue to fight. I love what she taught you. She felt those were important lessons to learn.Hubby's parents were a bit abusive when he was growing up. Lots of beatings and the like. He had to come to the conclusion that though he didn't have great earthly parents, he had a loving heavenly Father. They did sort of apologize in their later years, but he had already forgiven them in his heart. Both he and his brother were very talented with playing the guitar. His parents always wanted to show them off to friends and relatives. Hubby one time put his foot down and said no he wasn't going to play when asked by them. It wasn't a pretty outcome. He and his brother had opportunities presented to themselves to perhaps make it \”big\” in the music industry but his dad put an end to each of them because he couldn't be in charge. I had a wonderful mom, my dad died when I was 18 months old. I don't know how it would have been to be raised by 2 parents. She did have her downside in that she was depressed a lot and if we acted up like kids would, she gave us the silent treatment, not talking to us for days. We all hated that yet I found myself at times doing the same not with my kids but my hubby. This was an emotional Mother's Day for me and I haven't been this emotional on Mother's Day in a long time. Seeing grandson today though after 2 months of not playing with him boosted my spirits tremendously. Forget social distancing; I just had to see him so went to their place for about 2 hours. I told DIL if this ever happens again I refuse to social distance from them even if we have to move in together all of us. Like I said, it was an emotional day.Thanks for sharing your story here on your blog.betty

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  4. Anonymous May 11, 2020 / 9:55 am

    Oh Debby. It is probably good therapy that you can write about your relationship with your mother. While I can talk about it with a few folks, like my sister, I cannot yet put it into words. I always blamed my mother's problems on her being orphaned at eight and being raised by a much older sister. But that is all behind me. I had two of my sons here yesterday and we had a lovely Mother's Day with the grand-kids, unlike the Mother's Day with a drama queen when I was growing up. Hope you had a good day with the hubby.

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  5. Anonymous May 11, 2020 / 6:24 pm

    Aww, I'm sorry you had an emotional day. Holidays and special days are so difficult, I don't even know why we have them.

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  6. Anonymous May 11, 2020 / 6:25 pm

    I'm getting better all the time and that's because I tell it like it is. No more secrets!

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