17 years ago, my oldest son, died unexpectedly at the age of 25. I will never forget. Since that tragic day, I measure life\’s unexpected problems with that event – I can handle anything that comes my way. I always, narrow it down by saying:
No one has died
No one is terminally ill.
Granted one day, I will have to face another tragic death – the only death that would rock my world again would be losing my beloved husband or my adult children or grandchildren if I am to be blessed with them, one day. I\’ve already lost my mom to suicide, my dad and my sister. With the exception of my brother from another mother, I am the only one left from my bio-family I grew up with. Truth is, each death prepares you for the next.
But it wasn\’t always that way –
Every year, as May 1st rolls around, I get …more emotional, combative, reflective. I try not to waller in these emotions. During those early stages of grief, people would tell me,
\”it\’s okay to cry and show emotion.\”
Well of course it is. It is healthy. What they don\’t tell you is, how long should you \”feel those feelings?\” For me, I spent too much time, feeling my feelings – to where I got stuck. I had gone down so deep, I couldn\’t get out. I was diagnosed with \”Complicated Grief.\”
Now I choose to smile and think of the good times; not dwell on that tragic day.
Then I get on with my day. I don\’t do anything else. No balloons to Heaven,
No letters in a bottle,